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Archer Vice: Arrival/Departure

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"Archer Vice: Arrival/Departure" is the thirteenth episode of Archer Vice (season 5) and the sixty-second episode overall. It first aired on April 21, 2014.


Archer helps Lana with the delivery of her baby, while Krieger tries to prevent the delivery of a deadly weapon.

With everyone still in shock over the announcement that Lana's water has broken, Agent Holly demands to know what the former ISIS crew is doing in San Marcos.  Archer and Lana tell him they were there selling the weapons they received from Slater to Calderon.  When they also inform him that Calderon has a nerve gas missile and they can't stop the launch, Holly has Slater begin Operation Dropkick--a plan which involves the CIA launching an all-out invasion against Calderon's forces.  When Lana asks why the CIA was selling weapons to Calderon to begin with, Holly tells her that it was part of a plan to increase the CIA's annual budget, involving buying weapons from Iran (or Iraq, or whatever) and selling them to Calderon.  But being that he only had cocaine instead of cash, they needed someone to sell it.  Archer and Lana finally realize they've been trying to sell the CIA's drugs. When Holly claims that Archer was in on the plan from the start, a furious Lana chokes Sterling, much to Cherlene's delight. When Holly plans to take them to a black site, Lana quickly disarms a couple of guards and captures Holly and Slater, and says, "Now then...let's get this baby out of me."

Meanwhile, Ray and a still concussed Kreiger inform Cyril they are still trying to disarm the missile. When Malory suggests they leave, Cyril refuses, stating he's still president for life.  He quickly changes his mind, however, when he learns that not only is a US air strike is inbound, but his first lady Juliana is cheating on him. Malory orders Pam and Cyril to loot what they can before leaving. When Juliana objects, Malory states that her regime is finished and that she's seen enough coups to know that things won't end well for her.

Back at the airport, a still angry Lana has increased contractions. Realizing that the air strike will begin shortly, Archer sends Cherlene to prep Calderon's jet for takeoff, taking along Holly and Slater as her captives.

Meanwhile at the missile site, with only six minutes left to launch, Kreiger tells Ray that aside from the nerve gas, the missile itself is basically harmless.  The both of them come up with a makeshift plan...

Back at the palace, Cyril, Malory and Pam--all wearing expensive furs and carrying stolen swag--take one of Calderon's cars and head to the airport, almost hitting Kreiger and Ray, who are carrying the nerve gas canister from the missile.  As the missile launches, the rest of the gang continue to the airport, just as the air strike arrives and destroys the palace.

When they arrive at the airport, Malory takes charge, throwing Archer out of Holly's office.  While she is reassuring Lana, Pam assists in helping Lana give birth.  While Cyril, Ray and Kreiger discuss who had what in the sperm donor pool, Archer laments that he's unable to help Lana.  Shortly after, the cries of a newborn baby are heard, and Archer punches Cyril in the face in the excitement.  Pam announces that it's a girl, and that "Whoever had black guy, pay up!  Yep, got ourselves a little quadroon!"

Aboard the jet, as Lana is holding her new child, Malory congratulates her on the birth, telling her "You did good, Kiddo." Lana says that she quits, because she's used to Malory lying to her, but not Archer.  Malory reassures her that Archer had no idea she made a deal with the CIA, and reminds her that for as long as Lana has known her, she has never been honest with her son. Malory then informs Archer that Lana and the baby are fine.

Cherlene asks if Krieger can put a chip in Pam's brain to help her with her cocaine problem, like he did with her so she could sing. Kreiger informs the gang that he never really put in a microchip, but instead it was merely a sticker from the backpack of a LEGO spaceman.

Agent Holly is furious with Malory that the CIA has lost $50 million worth of cocaine, thanks to her and the gang. Malory gives him the painting she looted worth $40 million, and states that between that and the nerve gas, he could get a promotion--allowing him to contract work to ISIS and repair her offices.  When Holly rejects the idea, Malory tells him that she'll take her offer to Slater, "Because you suddenly decided to take up skydiving," and pulls a gun on him. Holly answers with, "I think we may have a deal here."

Archer check in on Lana, who is nursing the baby.  She tells him that the night before his cancer operation, he drunkenly told her Malory convinced him to freeze his sperm in case something happened to him.  As she also tells him that she still loves him, Archer's tinnitus briefly acts up. When it stops, he asks the baby what is Lana saying repeatedly.  After the third time, the baby holds up her finger, as if saying "just a minute"...very much like Archer does. He lets out a shocked "meep", realizing what is happening.  Lana says, "Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter: Abbiejean."


  • Title Explained: In most airports, the status of various flights is recorded on a board marked Arrival/Departure for the convenience of passengers. The title also refers to the arrival of Abbiejean and the departure of the ISIS gang from San Marcos.
  • It is revealed that the entirety of Archer Vice has in fact been a deep undercover mission to aid the CIA in depleting its annual budget by monetizing San Marcos' cocaine supply, with only Malory and Agent Holly aware of the truth, presumably having made the deal during their negotiating back in White Elephant. The scheme shares many of the same plot elements as the real-life Iran-Contra Affair.
  • "Für Elise" is playing in the background when Juliana tells the army officer that she never loved him.
  • When Cyril realizes that the war (and his tryst with Juliana) is over, he responds by quoting Rambo's speech when he was surrounded at the police station in the movie First Blood.
  • As can be seen just before Cyril quotes the First Blood speech, the tabletop tank models appear to be inexplicably well-detailed Merkava MkIII tanks. The MkIII tank was first produced in 1989.
  • The US Navy airmen wear "Tomcat" arm badges and VF-1 unit patches, referencing Top Gun, and the real-life US Navy F-14 fighter squadron it featured, VF-1. However, they were flying A-6E TRAM attack aircraft with VA-115 squadron markings and 'NF' tailcode. In addition, the "ordnance" they were shown releasing were actually fuel drop tanks.
  • Lana gives birth to a girl she names Abbiejean, revealed to be Archer's daughter through the sperm he had frozen during "Stage Two" and "Placebo Effect". It is also revealed that during the former episode, Archer and Lana did not have sex as previously implied.
  • We discover that Archer has done training as a doula and knows about the Bishop score.
  • This is the first season finale since "Double Trouble" that Ray has not ended up paralyzed in any way.
  • Malory blackmails Holly into reopening ISIS, but this time under the CIA's payroll to avoid illegal activities, leading ISIS to be officially re-established.
  • "A Day No Pigs Would Die" is a novel by Robert Newton Peck published in 1972.
  • "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
  • It is revealed that Krieger never installed a mind control microchip into Charlene's head. Instead he placed a sticker inside of her brain.
  • When Slater phones in to begin "Operation Dropkick", the planned invasion of San Marco, he is talking to someone called "Donna". This might be a subtle reference to the Aaron Sorkin political drama, The West Wing. During season four, Christian Slater - who voices Slater - played the character of Jack Reese, a naval submarine officer assigned to the White House. During his time there, he engages in a relationship with the assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff, Donna Moss.
  • Operation Dropkick is the codename of Attack Plan R from Dr. Strangelove. The plan involved the B-52 bomber wing to move in and strike primary and secondary targets in Russia.
  • This episode takes place eight months after "Sea Tunt: Part II".


Holly: "Come on, even if you people hadn't lost 50 million bucks worth of our cocaine, you know way too much."
Charlene: "Uh, I don't know anything!"
Holly: "I believe that to be literally true."
Malory: "Oh yes we are, and if you've got any sense, you'll fill your pockets too! Because your regime is officially over. And I've seen coups from Angola to Zanzibar, and this is how it ends: in the trunk of a taxi to the airport your belly full of diamonds and vodka, praying your driver doesn't rat you out to the Reds at the last checkpoint because then, the last thing you'll ever hear besides a pistol cocking behind your head, is Ivan's laugh-"
Pam: *laughing*
Malory: "What... in the name of god is funny?!"
Pam: "You said you've seen cooze." *clears throat* "Appropes." 
Charlene: "Aww... All the gardeners are running away."
Charlene: "What's wrong with her?"
Archer: "Wha?! She's having a baby!"
Charlene: "Gross." 
Charlene: "What?"
(Lana knocks the cup out of Cherlene's hands)
Charlene: "Jesus! What is your problem?"
Lana: "Morphine, Want! Find! Give!"
Archer: "Shhh... Come on Lana you don't need that."
Lana: "How dare you tell me what I..."
Archer: "Shut Up! Okay, Carol, I need you to look down there and give me a sit-rep."
Charlene: "Down where?"
Archer: "There, down there, at her um..."
Charlene: "Ew! No! You do it!"
Slater: "I'll do it!"
Archer: (To Slater) "Shut up! I can't look down there because there's, like, a hundred percent chance that at some point in the future we're gonna have sex so..."
Lana: "Who?"
Archer: "Shh... so just look down there and..."
Charlene: "I'm not looking at her goddamn va-Joinks! Well you don't need to shave *Laughs* that thing is smooth."
Lana: "I.... Thank you."
Charlene: "And also kind of mauve."
Lana: "Huh... Okay."
Slater: "I'd say more of a mauve-taupe."
Co-Pilot Mike: "Hey is your dad still big into tapas?"
Pilot: "My what? Oh, no, that wasn't my dad."
Co-Pilot Mike: "Well who was it?"
Pilot: "Doesn't matter who."
Pam: "Because these trunks feel light. Do you swear they're full of cocaine?"
Malory: "As God... is my witness."
Pam: "Psh! God hates you. Open 'em up." 
Malory: "Wha?"
Cyril: "Will you two come on?!" 
Pam: "On what?"
Malory: "Ugh!" 
Cyril: "Do you hear that?"
Malory: "If we get out of here alive, I'll buy you all new cocaine. And a pony!" 
Pam: "You heard her, Cyril-- that is legally binding."
Charlene: "Private me, reporting for sploosh." 
Pam: "Psh! You know how many times I've helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus, one time, my sister Edie? Well, she couldn't have it in the house. Long story. A long, racist story."
Malory: "Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time. When have I ever been honest with Sterling?"
Lana: "Huh."
Malory: "I told her you didn't know anything about the CIA deal."
Archer: "Well thanks for telling the truth Mother-- sure, that was hard for you."
Malory: "You keep it up, mister, and I'll walk right back in there and tell her the whole thing was your idea."
Archer: "Did you guys hear that?"
Charlene, Pam, Cyril, Krieger: "No."
Archer: "Dicks."
Charlene: "Whoa. So my whole life, all I ever had to do was believe in myself? And inject a sticker into my brain?"
Archer: Baby, what is she saying? Baby? Baby? Baby! *the baby puts up a finger as to say "just a mintune" like Archer and he goes into shock* M-Meep Meep."
Lana: "Sterling Archer I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abbiejean."

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