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Diversity Hire

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"Man, Conway, what have you gotten yourself into?"
"You'd better pray it wasn't my mother."
"I'm... fairly confident that you misread that entire situation."
Conway Stern and Sterling Archer[src]

"Diversity Hire" is the third episode of the first season of Archer. It first aired on January 21, 2010.

Plot summaryEdit

A new field agent makes a splash at ISIS, but Archer and Lana suspect there may be something all too perfect about their new diversity hire.

SynopsisEdit

During a staff meeting, Malory reveals that due to the deaths of several agents, ISIS must hire a racially diverse staff to obtain tax incentives, solved with the already-hired Conway Stern. Malory gives Conway a tour, where Stern gets propositioned by Malory, and in a fight with Archer in the locker room (which ends in a very gay position). Lana is intensely angry with Stern taking her position as top agent.

Meanwhile Pam and Cyril fight over the vacant corner office, and Cheryl (now calling herself Cristal) sexually desires for Conway and sleeps with him.

Main CastEdit

Guest StarsEdit

Cultural ReferencesEdit

  • "Sammy Gayvis Jr." is a reference to Sammy Davis Jr., who was both black and Jewish.
  • Bilbo's Coat of Dwarven Mithril is a fictional garment from the Lord of the Rings franchise.
  • After Pam tells Archer that his complaint was "bounced back" by the system, he insists that she "unbounce it". Pam says "What am I, Tron?" In the 1982 film Tron, the hero competes in a futuristic game similar to jai alai, in which players bounce energy balls at each other.
  • "Danger Zone" is a song featured in the 1986 film Top Gun, sung by Kenny Loggins.
  • "Charles Whitman sampler" is a dual reference. First to Charles Whitman, a former U.S Marine and engineering student who engaged in a shooting spree using a sniper rifle at the University of Texas at Austin campus in 1966. Second to the Whitman's sampler, a popular assortment of boxed chocolates.
  • The Whisper Drive is a homage to the "Caterpillar Drive" from Tom Clancy's 1984 novel The Hunt For the Red October, which allowed the submarine to operate silently.
  • Malory's question "You know how to whistle, don't you?" is a reference to the 1944 movie To Have and Have Not.
  • Cheryl's new name, Cristal, is a reference to the highly priced Cristal wine.

Running GagsEdit

  • Not So Secret Agent: It is revealed in flashbacks that Archer got several fellow agents killed by loudly exposing them as ISIS agents over the phone while they are on undercover missions.
  • Bullet Magnet Brett: Archer shoots a offscreen Brett for the second time. This time was intentional, as it was proof of the stopping power of Archer's gun.
  • Identity Crisis: Cheryl tells Cyril that she has changed her name to Cristal to impress Conway.
  • Upchuck Archer: Archer gets violently sick to his stomach and vomits at the thought of his mother having sex with Conway.
  • Danger Zone: Archer exclaims that Lana is still obsessed with him and tells her to call Kenny Loggins because "[she] is in the Danger Zone".
  • Wait I Had Something For This: Archer fails to come up with an insult for Conway, only for Conway to provide him with one.

TriviaEdit

  • The submarine that is to be modified to accept the Whisper Drive in Conway Stern's briefing is identified as the "Borei/Dolgorukiy". This sub design is part of Project 955 Borei which was not laid down until 1996. However in the mid-1980s (matching up with the show's apparent time frame), another Borei sub project, 935 (though not known as Dolgorukiy) was briefly in development. Project 955 is slated to carry the Bulava SLBM, while Conway's sub is slated to carry the R-39UTTH "Bark" missile, which was indeed to be carried by the 935 Borei. In reality, ISIS needn't have worried - the Bark never made a successful test flight and was cancelled, to be replaced by Bulava on the 955 subs.
  • Sterling comments that he called Lana "Quadroon", a term for a person who is 1/4 African/Aboriginal.
  • Through a doorway at Malory's condo, we see a large portrait of her late dog, Duchess.
  • This episode is the only one to reference Weekly Spyglass newsletter, the inter-office newsletter at ISIS.
  • After Cheryl (then called Cristal) and Conway have sex, she is seen with bruises around her neck. Conway later tells Cyril that she is "kinda weird [in] a bunch of ways." This statement and the bruises foreshadow Cheryl's choke-sex fetish.
  • This is the first episode to feature a staff meeting during the cold open. Also, it is the only staff meeting not to take place in Malory's office.
  • This is the third episode to feature a yet-to-speak Dr. Krieger. He is present at the staff meeting in the cold open.

QuotesEdit

Cyril: "Oh, I think we're pretty diverse."
Lana: "HA! Please."
Archer: "What, Lana? You're black...ish."
Lana: "ISH?!"
Archer: "Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!"
Lana: "Imagine that!"

─────────────────────────

Malory: "Item eight. We need a diversity hire."
Archer: "I vote Asian chick!"
Malory: "And after an exhaustive search I found the perfect candidate. So join me in welcoming our new ISIS agent..."
Conway: "Stern, Conway Stern."
Malory: "He's a diversity double whammy!"

─────────────────────────

Malory: "And this is the locker room."
Conway: "Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip-off."
Malory: "Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything... well, you know how to whistle, don't you, Conway?"
Conway: "Yep. Lips together. Blow. Got it."

─────────────────────────

Lana: "Frodo and Salsa were my operations!"
Conway: "At ease, career admiral! Malory was getting impatient on Salsa..."
Lana: "Salsa was a highly complex operation!"
Conway: "Two phone calls. And as for Frodo... Well, some pun involving hobbits."
Bilbo: "Like, I bet he wishes he was Wearing Bilbo's coat of dwarven mithril, right?"
Conway: "I'm gonna take your word on that."

─────────────────────────

Archer: "I want to file an HR complaint against Conway."
Pam: "On what grounds?"
Archer: "He touched my penis with his penis."
Pam: "Wow!"
Archer: "Yeah, he just came up to me and was like, 'bwoop!'"
Pam:"Where?"
Archer: "All of it, head and shaft, and I...oh, you mean where in the building."

─────────────────────────

Cristal: "Cyril, I need a little favor."
Cyril: "Okay, Cari... (sees her nametag) oh, now it's 'Crystal'?"
Cristal: "Cris-tal! You know, like the champagne? It's what hot black guys drink."
Cyril: "Uh, you sure about that?"
Cristal: "And I want Conway to drink me, so I need you to hook a sister up."
Cyril: "Well, I will certainly try."
Cristal: "No, don't try, do. And here, use this."
(she hands Cyril a bag of shrimp and he sniffs it)
Cyril: "Uhh! Wow! What is this?"
Cristal: "Tell Conway that his Secret Santa wants to 'come early.'"
Cyril: "Eww."
Cristal: "Or, you know, whoever brings Jewish people their Christmas presents."

─────────────────────────

Lana: "And what do we even know about this guy?"
Archer: "Only that he's not circumcised."
Lana: "Okay, glossing over how you know that--"
Archer: "We touched penises."
Lana: "No! Glossing!"

─────────────────────────

Conway: "Here, this'll help the swelling."
Cyril: "Oh, thank you. Where'd you get the steak?"
Conway: "Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood."
Cyril: "Yeah, she's kind of weird that way."
Conway: "Yeah, she's kind of weird a bunch of ways."

─────────────────────────

Pam: "Whatcha doing, bird bones?"
Cristal: "Looking for a pregnancy test online."
Pam: "But there's a drug store a half a...oh, you mean that you take online."
Cristal: "Yeah, I want to know, like, now."
Pam: "Well, thank God for them internets."

─────────────────────────

Lana: "Yeah, I do so try not to do anything stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous."
Archer: "Yeah, You know what's dangerous? Your obsession with me."
Lana: "Just..."
Archer: "Seriously, Lana, call Kenny Loggins, 'cause you're in the danger zone."
Lana: (sighs)
Archer: "From Top Gun."
Lana: "Just be careful."
Archer: (after a long pause) "No."

─────────────────────────

Archer: "Conway, wait! Just answer me one question."
Conway: "Yeah, make it quick, my ride's here. And your lungs are filling up with blood."
Archer: "Did you have sex with my mother?!"
Conway: "What? That is your only question? Not 'Who am I?', not 'How did I infiltrate ISIS?', or-or 'Who the hell's flying the helicopter?'"
Archer: "Just answer the question!"

─────────────────────────

Archer: "Lana... Conway...he--"
Lana: "Yeah, whoever he was, he must have ghosted an I.D. file onto our worldwide database."
Archer: "Which you probably found after researching me, Lana..."
Lana: "Ugh!"
Archer: "...'cause you're in the... DANGER ZOOOOONE!" (coughs up blood)
Lana: "And those were his last words, right before he bled to death on the rug."

─────────────────────────

Malory: "Oh, damn! Now I bet she's going to squeeze up all my brand-new lemons! And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway."
Cristal: "Except his little mocha love child."
Malory: "His what?!"
Cristal: "Yeah."
Malory: "You had sex with Conway?"
Cristal: "Yeah, and he totally impregnated me."
Malory: "Wait, he was only here two days. How is that test showing positive?"
Cristal: "Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it."

Gallery of ImagesEdit

There are 23 screenshots and images from "Diversity Hire" on this Wiki, visit the category page for a complete gallery.


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